Love and Hate Death and Re-Birth
by Ze Awesome Yaoi Fan
Summary: Izaya is hurt when Shizuo says that no one could ever love him. He does some drastic things that don't work out like the controlling informant expects! Got the idea slightly from my obsession with Shinigamis and Beyond Birthday. There is one major OC, who is NOT a love interest. Warning: Character Death/re-birth, Shinigami's, later lemons, Shizaya! Image from Google search Shizaya
1. Chapter 1

"Perhaps the reason dear Shizu-chan hates me so much, is because he actually loves me~" Izaya teased the bleach blond who had been chasing him for the last three hours. "Like hell, who could ever love a disgusting flea like you?" Shizuo spat at the raven haired male. Izaya tried to cover up the pain those words caused him. He smirked before turning gracefully and prancing away, though there was none of the usual joy in his step.

Izaya was making his way out of Ikebukuro when he came across Kyohei, he went over to the boy and asked him to do him one small favor. "Hey Dotachin, When the clock strikes 12 am, tell Shizu-chan that he'll never have to worry about seeing me again." The boy was confused by this but nodded at the informant. "Good." was all the raven said before walking away, a far-off pained look in his eyes.

As Izaya made it back to Shinjuku he sighed, entering his apartment he finally let the tears fall. At least he'd kept it together this long. Moving to his favorite spinning chair Izaya began to set his affairs in order. He e-mailed Namie, telling her not to bother coming in and that he'd send her check in the mail. He txt Shinra and told him "Thanks, for everything." and last, he txt Celty and told her he need her to do a job for him, that there was a black duffle bag in Ikebukuro that held something important. He also told her a specific time to open the bag.

Each of these messages would be sent at exactly 12 am Monday morning, though Celty's was sent now in order for her to find the bag and open it in time, everything was set. Shizu-chan would get his message, Shinra would get his, Celty would receive hers and Namie would get hers. Everything was sorted out, now there was only one thing left to do…

Izaya rolled his chair over to the large window, watching all of the humans he thought he so equally loved. Why did he have to fall for that monster? Why couldn't the monster love him back? He just couldn't stand it anymore, the pain had to stop. So with that, at exactly 12 am Monday morning, Izaya Orihara pulled the trigger, and ended his life…

**Ikebukuro: 12am Monday morning**

Dotachin walked over to Shizuo Heiwajima to give the message he had promised to deliver, "Izaya told me to tell ya that after 12 am, well now. You'd never have to worry about seeing him again." Shizuo took a drag of his cigarette before blowing the smoke out slowly, "Good reddens, damn flea." he mumbled, though it felt like a part of him had broken with those words. Not that he'd ever admit that!

Shinra Kishitani, the underground doctor and who would be considered Izaya's best friend's phone went off, signaling he had a txt. He looked at the name and saw that it was from Izaya, "Thanks for everything? What's that suppose to mean?" he wondered then shrugged, "I'll just ask him later."

Celty opened the black bag Izaya had sent her to get at exactly 12 am, the time he told her to open it. Inside was none other than her own head, currently flouting in a jar, that she'd been searching for. How did Izaya know where it was? She thought, it began to bug her greatly, so she decided she'd just ask him this afternoon. He was probably sleeping right now anyway.

What none of these people knew though, was that Izaya Orihara, would never be waking up again…

_**Love it? Hate it? Let me know, and **__**NO**__** this is **__**NOT**__** the end. Just the beginning~**_


	2. Life after Death

_**If you've ever played the Game Persona 3, I based Azrael off of an older version of Pharos. So if you recognize his personality or appearance then yeah, he looks and sort of acts like Pharos only he's older and taller.**_

_**Authors Note: Azrael is the Archangel of Death. This Azrael is not the same person but does have the same name.**_

It's cold. That was the first thing Izaya Orihara thought when he came into consciousness. "Oh, You're awake~" a creepy childlike voice called out cheerfully. The voice caused Izaya to bolt upright and look around, wherever he was it was dark and the informant couldn't see anything. "Who's there?" Izaya asked in a cautious tone. "It's only me," the voice giggled before revealing it's self. The surroundings lightened and Izaya was now able to see a figure in front of him. It was a boy, only slightly shorter than him, with short bluish black hair and bright, glowing blue eyes. "Who are you? And where am I?" Izaya asked, the last thing he remembered was putting the gun to his head and pulling the trigger. There was no way he was alive!

"You're right. You're not alive." the boy answered his internal question which kinda creeped Izaya out. "My name is Azrael by the way." the boy added with a sweet yet creepy smile. "Well Azrael, if I'm not alive, then what the hell am I?" the raven asked, getting slightly impatient. "Silly, you're dead. And as for where you are. You're in the Shinigami realm." Azrael said as if it were obvious, he threw his arms out to gesture around himself. At this action Izaya took the chance to look around, it was very plain, the ground was grey and cracked, covered in dead grass and plants, rocks lay everywhere. There were dead trees that barley managed to stay up, baring fruit that looked to be as dry as the ground he stood on.

"Everything's dead…" Izaya said slowly. "Just like us~" Azrael said happily as he skipped over to an opening that seemed to be glowing. Izaya followed and looked over at what the strange boy was doing. "I'm watching." He stated simply, again answering Izaya's mental thoughts. "Watching what?" the raven asked as he sat down beside the bluenette. "The humans." he smiled, his blue eyes seeming to glow brighter. This caught the attention of the former information broker. "You can watch humans?" he asked as he looked over Azrael's shoulder. "Yes. That's how I saw you. You see all humans who commit suicide are sent here. They are forced to live in this God Forsaken wasteland for the rest of their existence~" Azrael said cheerfully, this guy was seriously beginning to give Izaya a major case of the nerves.

"Um, just how long have you been here?" Izaya asked. "I've been here for almost two hundred years~" Well that explains a lot, no wonder he's crazy, he's been living in this purgatory hell for that long! "So, I'm what? A Shinigami too?" "That's right~" the bluenette grinned at his raven companion. "How'd you die?" Izaya asked, his informant side coming out. Azrael giggled before telling Izaya his bone chilling story. **A/N: 1**

"That was horrifying." Izaya said, now slightly scarred for life. "Yep~ So that's why I did it. Why'd you kill yourself?" he asked, his blue eyes shinning with anticipation of a new story. He knew everyone here's story and he was growing rather bored, he couldn't wait for a new one. "That's…" "Don't say it's personal. Nothing here is personal." Azrael said when the other tried to brush the subject off. Sighing in defeat, Izaya cleared his throat and began to tell his story.

"So you went to high school with this guy, and fell in love with him. But he hates you… You tease him so he'll pay attention to you but it backfired when you made the love comment… That idiot couldn't even see the meaning behind what you were saying!? You've been basically shouting 'I love you' for years! He's a meany and you should have told him to shove it." Izaya was taken aback by the others words. It's the first time since he's been here that Azrael had used any other tone besides psychotically cheerful, though the use of the word 'Meany' kinda set the angry ranting back a bit.

"You're still in love with him. Even after death." It wasn't a question, Azrael knew exactly what he was feeling. "Yes." the raven answered sadly, even in death he couldn't escape the pain of life. Maybe that's what his punishment for taking the easy way out was. He'd be plagued by his unrequited love for the rest of time.

**Ikebukuro: 10:15 am; Monday morning**

Shizuo sat in his living room watching television. He didn't have to go to work until 5, so to say he was bored out of his skull was an understatement. He almost wished that flea would show up so he'd have something to do. What was it that Kadota had said Izaya told him last night? 'After 12 am you'll never have to worry about seeing me again.' like the bodyguard actually believed that. Still, it was a rather weird message. But knowing Izaya it was just one of his many ways of trying to throw Shizuo off his game. Sooner or later he'd show up at the most unexpected time, slice him with that damn knife and then be off again. Yeah, that's exactly what was going on.

Or that was what he thought, until he received a call from Shinra.

The underground doctor had called him a few minutes after he finished his reasoning for Izaya's cryptic message. What Shinra told him, made it all clear. "Izaya txt me last night and said 'Thanks for everything.' I wasn't sure what it meant so I tried to call him a few hours ago and he didn't answer. Celty went over to ask him how he knew where her head was and found him. H-he's… Shizuo… Izaya's dead." Those two words were all it took to shatter Shizuo's world. "He's what?" he had asked, unable to believe the flea could actually be dead. "He… it looks like he shot himself, around 12 am this morning…" 12 am… 'After 12 am you'll never have to worry about seeing me again.'

"He… shot himself?" Shizuo asked in disbelief. "Yeah… I…" Shizuo could hear the pain in the other mans voice. It was then that he realized how deeply Shinra had cared for the flea… how much _he_ cared. Fuck. Shizuo thought back on the last thing he had said to the raven haired informant and then realized…

"It's my fault…"

"Don't think that Shizuo… In his own twisted way Izaya considered you a good friend. He even loved you…" Shinra said softly, now that his best friend was dead he figured it'd be okay to tell Shizuo about his secret love for the blonde… "He what?" Shizuo asked in shock. "Y-yeah… He told me back in high school. That's why he was always messing with you. He wanted you to pay attention to him…"

Shizuo couldn't handle anymore. He clicked the phone shut and just sat there. The flea had had feelings for him since high school… and yesterday he'd said… Oh this really was his fault. And damn did he feel like a bastard. A sob raked through Shizuo's tall frame and it was then he noticed… he was crying.

_**Cliffhanger X3**_

_**A/N:1 If anyone wants to know what Azrael's reason for killing himself was, morbid, just sent me a PM and I'll send you his history. I just didn't want to make the whole chapter end up about him so I took his story out. I think we all already know Iza-chan's story right?**_

_**Anywho, this is the second chapter in one day so be happy! I'll try to update soon though I'm soooo behind on my other stories. Having pneumonia sucks! But I'm all better so here ya are!**_


	3. Invisible Stalker

**Important** **Authors Note! **_**Time in the Shinigami Realm moves much faster than in the human realm. Like, one hour could pass in the human world while one month would have passed in the Shinigami world. That's to make it seem like the people have been stuck in purgatory hell for months or years when really they've only been there for a few hours. Azrael feels like he's been there for 200 years when really he's only been there for about two years. **_

_**1 human year = 100 Shinigami years**_

_**A good bit of this chapter is about Azrael and Izaya's friendship, NO THERE IS NO ROMANCE IN THIS FRIENDSHIP, Azrael simply plays a big part in Izaya's new existence and helps him out a lot. **_**This is still a Shizaya story**_**. I know it may seem that Azrael has romantic feelings for Izaya but he doesn't! He actually loves another OC that will not be in this story but is mentioned a few times.**_

**Shinigami Real: Time Unknown**

Izaya sat quietly, just watching the human down on earth through the portal Azrael had shown him. The bluenette boy had informed him that watching humans was the only thing that kept him from completely losing it. Izaya had been introduced to several others that were stuck here but they held no interest, they were all broken or now retained no human form but that of monsters. **A/N:1**

The only person here who seamed to have any emotions or human connection left, though slightly odd, was Azrael. "Hiya Izaya," said boy giggled at his own rhyme. "Watching the mortals again." it wasn't a question, most of the things that should be questions would just be statements. That was one frustration about Azrael, he seemed to know everything. But that was one thing that kept Izaya interested, he use to know everything, so staying with Azrael was a way for him to get back some of that peace of control he so missed.

"Yes." Izaya answered the statement. "What's going on today?" "Nothing." the raven answered blandly. "You know," Azrael began as he gracefully skipped around to sit beside his new friend. "You could always watch that blond of yours." "What?" Izaya asked in shock, looking over at the blue eyed male. "That Shizuo of yours. If you want, you can focus on certain people." "But, it's been months, he's probably forgot all about me." the crimson eyed man sighed sadly.

"It feels that way, I know. Honestly though, it's only been a few hours~" Azrael said in his oddly cheerful voice as he leaned back on his elbows. "But, you said you've been here for two hundred years…" Izaya said, still in shock by the others new information, he truly was full of surprises. "Well, time is different here. Honestly I've really only been dead for two years. But in this world, I've been here for two hundred. It's our punishment. To feel like we've been here forever." the bluenette's voice took on a faraway tone as he seemed to be replaying something in his head.

"Aren't you just full of surprises." Izaya commented, causing Azrael to giggle. "It wouldn't be smart to tip my whole hand right? Have to have a few secrets now don't I?" the raven nodded, he knew how that was. "Did you know you can even go see him?" Azrael continued, once again shocking his new friend.

"I can what?" "Go see him. Most of us don't bother going back to the human world because it only reminds us why we wanted to kill ourselves in the first place, that, or we just can't remember our human life so there's no point. Just a mindless waist of time." Azrael picked up a dead flower and placed it in Izaya's hair. "Have you ever been back?" Izaya asked him, ignoring the dead plant. "Twice. I was watching this boy. He was an anomaly to me. Quite an interesting young man." "So what happened?" Izaya asked, surprisingly finding himself engrossed in the story. "He was murdered." Azrael said with a shrug as he began making a crown of dead flowers.

"Sorry." Izaya had no idea why he said that, death sure had changed him. "Don't worry about it. It was fun while it lasted. So about this Shizuo. You want to go see him." Again it was a statement and not a question. Azrael giggled at the exasperated expression on the crimson eyed males face.

Finishing his crown, Azrael placed it on Izaya's head with another giggle. "I'll show you how to go to him."

**Ikebukuro: 7:30 pm; Monday**

Tom could tell Shizuo was seriously off his game, he blew up a lot easier and had a far off look in his eyes. Several times the dept collector wanted to ask what was wrong but didn't much feel like being on the receiving end of Shizuo's rage. Honestly he was becoming scared of his own bodyguard so he decided to call it a night.

With a sigh Shizuo took off, he couldn't get rid of the pain in his chest or the weight on his shoulders. The guilt and realization of his feelings for Izaya after learning of the flea's feelings for him were crushing him. It didn't help his pain when he looked up and saw a head of messy black hair and a fluffy jacket skipping down the street. He took off after the figure and was crushed when he came face to face with a now terrified teenage girl. **A/N:2**

This couldn't possibly get any worse. He thought to himself as he headed over to the park, plopping down on a bench and lighting up a cigarette. Staring up at the sky Shizuo replayed every memory he had of Izaya, from the time they met to the time he destroyed the raven haired man who had been there his entire life.

Thinking back at all those times Izaya had infuriated him he began to notice tiny details. Every move the other had made, every word he had said. On play back Shizuo realized, in his own sick way, Izaya was showing Shizuo how much he cared. Everything the other did, was all his way of tell Shizuo… that he loved him.

"Dammit!" Shizuo shouted, standing up and throwing the bench he was sitting on across the park.

**Ikebukuro: Same time**

"You always did act out in violence Shizu-chan. The one thing you hated more than me." Izaya said, his words going unheard by the fuming blond. **A/N:3**

Izaya watched his love silently from behind. Perched in a tree he observed the other, his tall frame shaking in what Izaya thought was anger. Izaya jumped down, now looking more closely at the other and upon further inspection the former informant realized it wasn't anger that caused the blond to shake, but the silent sobs that were ripping through his body.

"Why are you crying Shizu-chan?" the crimson eyed Shinigami asked knowing he would get no reply. As Shizuo began to walk away Izaya followed behind, his large red wings extending as he floated along side his monster.

Izaya tried reaching out his hand to wipe away one of the tears falling from Shizuo's eyes only to have his fingers go through the other.

"I told you, you wont be able to touch him." Azrael said from behind the raven. "I know. A simple involuntary reaction." Izaya defended himself. "You don't have to do that, I know it's hard not to want to touch them. But it's impossible." Azrael said, for the first time actually sounding sad. "What was the boys name?" Izaya asked, still trailing behind Shizuo, with Azrael following beside him.

"You're going to stay with him tonight." Another one of his statements. Izaya also noticed how he avoided the question the raven had just asked. Azrael retracted his wings, deciding to walk instead. Izaya did the same, never taking his eyes off of the blond he was following. "If it's something that's possible." "It is. You can stay here for days. But it might start to drive you crazy, or you'll become obsessive, which is never a good thing." the bluenette said with a little less of his usually cheer.

"What do you mean crazy or obsessive?" Izaya asked in slight concern. "You'll start to yearn to be part of this world again, trying to do everything you can to stay with him. Kinda like an invisible intangible stalker… But like I said, it _might_~" the whole speech had sounded so serious that when Azrael added that last part in such a happy voice Izaya couldn't help but laugh.

"You can stay here for now. But I'll have to come get you soon." the blue eyed male said before turning to walk the other way. "How long?" Izaya called after him. "Soon." was Azrael's only answer as he disappeared.

With that last word Izaya set out to make sure that he would take advantage of every moment. Not knowing how soon, 'Soon' was.

**A/N:1 **_**If you've ever seen Death Note, that's how some of the Shinigami's that have forgotten their human selves look like. (i.e. Rem, Ryuk, ect.)**_

**A/N:2 **_**Yes, I so just called Izaya girly~**_

**A/N:3 **_**Humans are unable to see or hear a Shinigami (Like in Bleach or Death Note) Shinigami's are also unable to touch anything, (they're dead) and like in Death Note these Shinigami's do have wings that can disappear.**_

_**Thank you for reading and please leave a review to let me know what you think! **_

_**I know Azrael's in here a lot and he does seem a little attached to Izaya but that will be explained later. Like I said, there is no romantic or sexual interest between Azrael and Izaya even if it seems that way. If anyone wants to know anything about Azrael just PM me. I'm actually thinking about making a sort of prequel that will revolve around Azrael and the human he was in love with. Maybe, I'm kinda sure no one really cares about him TT_TT**_


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